A few days ago, my mail was delivered – unopened, fortunately – on the lawn.

Yesterday, I went into the kitchen to feed the washing machine and couldn’t find the dirty washing. I was sure it had been in the white bin on the floor. Since I am very absent-minded, I climbed up the stairs, a challenging feat since the installation of the stairgate and the accumulation behind it of all the stuff – shoes, boots, camera, bags, coat, lead, harness, dog treats… need I go on – which needs to be protected from Isis.

No sign of the washing upstairs.

I return to the kitchen Surely Isis couldn’t have ….

But Isis has. A sock, a pillow case and a fleece blanket are strewn around the lawn. All have been seriously nibbled.