A post should appear every Sunday

Monday October 23rd 2023

Well, the trouble all began with a harness for Isis.

You always blame me for everything.

I’m not blaming you for anything, Isis. I’m just saying that the trouble began with your lost harness.

This blog is supposed to be about me not a harness.

It is about you, Isis. It’s about you needing a new harness.

Well, it should be about you losing my old one.

I explained about that last week.

Well, you should explain it again, because you’re always losing my stuff.

I admitted that too.

Good. It really is exasperating for a dog not to know what she’s going to be wearing next. Think of my street cred. And I’d had that harness for a very long time. I liked it.

I’m sorry I lost it. It was very careless of me.

You’re not kidding: you lost my striped back-up lead from the back of the car too. And that’s supposed to always be in the boot in case we come across a poor, stray dog. Now the poor, stray dog will starve on the street.

Shut up and let me get on with the post.

Fwoof. How rude.

Anyway, I searched on line and found what looked like a reasonable substitute. I ordered two.

A good idea. Perhaps, considering the rate at which you lose my belongings, you should have ordered six.

As I was saying, I ordered two. But when they arrived, they were very flimsy and not suitable for you, so I filled in the company’s returns request form and e-mailed it. There was no response, so I emailed again. Again no response, and no payment was taken from my bank account.

At this point, red lights began to flash.

No they didn’t. I would have noticed.

No you wouldn’t Isis. You can’t see.

I would have noticed lights that flashed.

It’s a metaphor, dear. I mean I began to be suspicious.

Oh.

I explained to the bank what had happened, and we agreed that although nothing had been taken out of the account, it would be sensible to close the account and open a new one.

Oh, so that was easy then, but I still didn’t have a harness, except from that horrible heavy thing that’s huge enough to flatten an elephant.

No. I’m sorry about that. But we went to the pet shop and bought a new one as soon as we could.

Yes, and it was very nice. I love going to the pet shop. It smells divine. I especially love the smell of the rabbits and the guinea pigs, But you won’t let me sniff them.

Spoilsport.

No. It’s not kind. They’d be frightened.

Well I’m frightened to walk on the skiddy kitchen floor, on my way to the garden, but you make me.

Yes. That’s because there’s nothing wrong with the kitchen floor. It was only slippery on one occasion. And when you walk back, you walk over the same spot and you don’t pretend it’s slippery.

I don’t pretend anything. It’s very scary. I’m a dog, and it’s called ‘habituation.’

Yes, well it’s very irritating.

You’re  merely an irritable git. Just look at all the italics you’ve used. You were irritable all last week as well. You can’t blame it all on my harness, and anyway, it was you who lost it.

All right, all right. We’ve established that. Do stop going on about it.

It’s not just the harness. After you lost my harness, you then went and lost the nice red and black striped lead. That lead that was supposed to stay in the boot for rescuing poor, unfortunate, lost dogs. Now, the poor creatures will …

Be quiet, Isis. We got our red and black striped lead back today.

No thanks to you. Only because Bev spotted it where some kind person had put it on a bench. Then you dropped the lead we’d been using, forgetting that you were carrying TWO leads. Why don’t you write my name on my belongings? 

I tried to, but it went all blurry and illegible.

You could write my name on tapes and sew them onto my lead and harness.

Oh doG!

On second thoughts, you can’t sew.

Best forget I suggested it.

Yes, Isis.

Isis came from Aeza cat and dog rescue in Aljezur, Portugal. For information about adopting an animal from the centre, contact kerry@azea.org or go to http://www.dogwatch.co.uk.