Sunday

No post late last night/early hours this morning. Exhausted. And sore. Today is bright and clear. Not like yesterday: a horrible Saturday.

We had set off for Kings Heath Park, Isis tethered to her safety belt as usual. She has two leads, one attached to her harness, a smaller one to her collar just to be certain that she can’t end up under a car if the harness fastening gives way.

It is not unusual for her to snap at her flies (floaters) as we drive along. But today she carries on until she is in one of her rages. By the time we stop she is frantic, biting viciously at her back right foot.

I turn to see what the problem is. I am horrified to see that she has twirled so much that the leads are virtually welded together, their three metal clips twisted into a painful knot against her right shoulder.

She is screaming with pain. She is terrified.

When she has rages, I usually hold her to stop her self-harming. But now I can’t restrain her: I have to use both hands. And I have to tighten each clip in order to release it.

This causes poor Isis even more pain. She is beside herself and attacks my hands, growling and snarling ferociously. She won’t let go of my fingers which are bleeding all over the side of her face. In order to extricate myself, I smack her hard, twice and shake her by her harness. It takes about two minutes to free her. The pain is breath-stopping.

Poor little Isis. Poor me. I think we are both in shock.

I open the window for air. Rain belts in and fills up the hollow where the door handle sits. I close the window. The car steams up. I open the window.

I have a first aid kit in the car. Can’t decide whether to get out the plasters or drive home. Sit behind the wheel. Indecision. Pain. Blood is dripping over the steering wheel, gear stick, car seat, my clothes. Start the engine. Stop again. Wind wreaths of tissues around my fingers.

Set off for home.

I feel awful to have smacked and shaken her. I could weep, but decide against it. Better to phone 111 and get advice about a tetanus jab.