Thursday

Before 8.00 a.m. Ca. calls. Earlier, Huggy, her St. Bernard, was unable to get up from the floor. Although he now seems to have come round, she wants to keep an eye on him and asks to delay our shopping trip until twelve.

I snuggle back under the bedclothes.

At ten Isis comes up the stairs. She thinks, quite rightly, that this is not on. Nine, at the latest, is the time for her first pee. Apologising, I stick my head over the edge of the bed in time to see her checking out the very large pee she has just done on the rug.

My fault. I am amused that she came upstairs to express her opinion of my laziness. There are two perfectly adequate rugs downstairs.

It is said that mishaps go in threes. But the day is quiet. Two good walks, no self-harming – well, only a shred of tail hair removed. Just before I give Isis her tea I’m wondering what I can write about her today.

I need not have worried. As I put her food dish on her stand, she rushes at it in her usual fashion – like an enraged bull. I have not had time to clip the dish onto the stand. As she wolfs down the contents of her food bowl she knocks over the stand. Both of her bowls are ejected from the stand and land with a clatter on the floor. Upside down, naturally.

Her table manners, as I often tell her, are truly appalling.

Do not be deceived. The high gloss of the kitchen floor is not an example of my fastidious nature. It is the contents of a once full water bowl.

Just to make sure that the water is spread far enough, Isis, dear little soul, continues up the hall before turning round and re-entering the kitchen.

“But you said mishaps go in threes.”

I did.

As I mop the floor, I hear a ripping sound behind me. I whip round to find Isis has nicked a pack of smoked salmon from the work top and is busily breaking it open on the floor.

I snatch it back with the amazing speed I have only acquired since the advent of Isis.

We have enjoyed a relatively quiet evening.

Isis came from the Aeza cat and dog rescue and adoption centre in Aljezur, Portugal. For information about adopting an animal from the centre, contact kerry@aeza.org or  www.dogwatchuk.com