Posting days: Sunday and Wednesday and, sometimes, maybe, extra ‘news flashes’!
Wednesday December 2nd 2015
Sometimes dogs have horrible days. Such was my fate last Saturday.
It was fine at first. I’ve now perfected the art of making Human get out of bed. Round about 8.30 is half an hour after she should be vertical so I pop out of my own nest on the bed, grab the bedside rug in my teeth and shake it vigorously. Soon I feel the floor vibrate and the mat is tugged from my mouth. I smell her next to me. She’s up.
I jump back onto the bed and resume my dozing.
Sometimes I think it’s a good thing that I can’t hear what she says to me. The vibes are quite aggressive in the mornings.
Goodness knows what she’s doing now but it takes ages. She doesn’t even smell freshly groomed when she’s finished.
After a very long time, we play ‘put the collar on’. This is a very good game. I beat her up and she pretends she’s won. The downside is I have to endure endless pats and cuddles. She even kisses me. Honestly!
She thinks I love all this fuss, but really the best thing about it is that it marks the last stage I have to endure before I’m carried downstairs.
Then I’m led out of the back door. This is a waste of time. I’m quite happy to pee on the front lawn – it’s not up to much. But she doesn’t like that, for some unknown reason.
Anyway the next part’s good. I stand nicely without a growl while she puts my harness on. (If I growl she takes it off and we have to go through the process all over again. I used to try a very small, subdued growl but she still took my harness off so it’s just not worth it. I decided that. I make all the decisions. Well, most of them.)
Anyway, the nice part is I get one of the best treats when I’m wearing my harness: a bit of Salami Stick. Then lead on, scramble out of the door, leap into the car and off we go.
But when we get to the park, something is definitely wrong. There’s a weird and scary light like there is when it’s going to snow.
I sniff the air doubtfully but she bustles me unceremoniously out of the car park. Even though I’m wary and creeping close to the ground, I try to sniff and explore a bit.
Then everything suddenly gets worse. Arrrrrrgh! I know what that is. It’s sun. I’m out in the open and in great danger. Huge black things will loom up in front of me. I tug towards the car park. I want to go home. As soon as the car door is opened I shoot in.
That’s better. Safe now.
Sometimes, especially when she’s driving, the brightness makes one want to bark. In this situation, rather than leading up to the bark with a low growl or a muffled woof, I find it’s most effective to position myself directly behind Human’s head and let out a sudden, sharp, shrieky YAP! Tee-hee, I feel the car jolting. I deserve a little fun.
Soon after we get home I have breakfast. A sombre affair nowadays. I’m sure it used to be more fun ……….
As soon as I’ve eaten, I retire upstairs. The blinds will still be drawn and the sun won’t be able to get in. It’s safe up here.
But not long after I’ve drifted off, I smell an awful smell. It’s May the border collie. My god, what’s she doing in my house? As if I’ve not had enough to put up with this morning.
Human comes up and carries me downstairs, giving me what she thinks are soothing pats. But when she puts me down in the hall, the smell of May becomes even stronger. No, I don’t want to say hello.
I dash back upstairs where I stand on the landing for the rest of the visit protesting pointedly until May leaves.
Later, Human, who feels deservedly guilty, takes me for a lovely long ramble in the park. There is no nasty sun now and we explore Poo Forest until it’s dark.
That was good. But it doesn’t make up for my horrible afternoon.
She needn’t think she’s having the lamp on while I’m trying to sleep. I attack my back feet ferociously, until she switches the lamp off.
She departs into the other room, leaving me in peace.
Isis came from the Aeza cat and dog rescue and adoption centre in Aljezur, Portugal. For information about adopting an animal from the centre, contact firstname.lastname@example.org or www.dogwatchuk.co.uk
Bwahahaha! This was thoroughly entertaining! You are such a talented writer, and excel at writing from Isis’s viewpoint. I LOL and smiled through the whole thing 🙂 I think you could write a book!
I love the ‘Bwahahaha’. Do you know who invented it?
Thanks for the compliments. They really raised my spirits as I didn’t feel very pleased with that post. It felt a bit plodding. But after reading your comments, I re-read it and it seemed much better!
Dogs are endlessly fascinating, aren’t they!
LOL, I got the bwahahahaha from my daughter, and I have no idea where she got it!
Right! It’s such an explosive expression that you can hear the laughter.