Posting days: Sunday and Wednesday and, sometimes, maybe, extra bits in between.
Wednesday April 24th 2019
D So what have you been doing this week, dog, besides running around panting and getting dirty?
I do lots and lots of exciting stuff. On Sunday I dug another hole. There were so many amazing smells, I …
D Ew! How revolting.
I didn’t only do that. On Monday and Tuesday I went on two woodland walks with Rufus and Nancy.
D Yawn. Borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring! Yuk. I assume they smell, like all dogs.
Of course they do. We all smell everything interesting we find, then Nancy and me wee on the ground, and Rufus – you’ll not believe this – he can pee up in the air.
D That’s nothing. So can I if I stand with my back to it and wiggle my tail very, very fast.
Oh. Oh. Er …. well, , scary things happened as well.
D Go on, terrify me.
Well, I was leading ….
D You, leading. Don’t make me laugh. You can’t see.
I don’t need to. I have an amazing nose. I can smell things. Anyway, it was very scary. I nearly walked into a very slimy pond, but Bev rushed up and grabbed me just in time.
D How stupid. If you have such an amazing nose, how come you were walking into a slimy pond?
Well I don’t know. These things just happen.
D They don’t happen to cats.
Anyway, straight after, I smelled the bridge. I knew I was in great danger.
D Great danger, my ar ……..
Yes I was! Yes I was! Once before, I was half way across and one of my paws slipped over the edge. I could have fallen off.
D Big deal. A cat would have dealt with that situation easily. Why didn’t you just run along the hand rail? And if you slipped, you could just have twisted in the air and landed on the bank. Nothing to it. So what did you do, run away?
No, I didn’t. I was a very sensible dog. I didn’t go on the bridge. I waited for Human to help me.
D Dog help me! What a wimp.
What’s a wimp?
D For dog’s sake. A wimp’s a very cowardly, useless animal, like a dog, for example.
Oh. What’s cowd lee?
D Cowardly’s a dog who’s too scared and stupid to do anything.
I’m not stupid. I did something very clever.
D Yawn. Amaze me.
Well, one day, near the beginning of the walk, I nipped back while no-one was looking and walked across the stepping stones all on my own.
I didn’t step in the swampy bit once.
D And? A cat could do that in three pounces. It’s easy.
No it’s not. Nancy followed me and she stood in it. And it smells awful. She got it all over her feet and up her legs.
D A cat could wash it off in seconds.
Oh. And then she drank it! And she gets bad guts.
D How revolting.
And her human got very cross. I hate it when my human gets cross. All dogs do.
D Cats don’t take any notice. Yawn. I’m going to sleep.
But I haven’t told you about today and the rain ………………………..
D Don’t bother. I expect it’s like I said. You just run around and pant and get dirty. Yawn.
I do lots and lots of things. Every day I do things. Dogs do exciting things every day. All you do is sleep.
D Cats have inner lives.
*Isis came from the Aeza cat and dog rescue and adoption centre in Aljezur, Portugal. For information about adopting an animal from the centre, contact email@example.com or www.dogwatchuk.co.uk