Posting days: Sunday and Wednesday and, sometimes, maybe, extra bits in between.

Wednesday June 12th 2019

Although she is deaf, I talk to Isis all the time. As you do.

Her thoughts, of course, I can only imagine. Just as well, perhaps.

She is emboldened by rain, and wants to stay in the park for ever and ever.

These conversational snippets could have taken place on any very wet day this week – or last.

Human: Right, Isis, time to go home. I’m coming to get you.

Isis: I don’t think so.

Human: Puff. Pant. Oh, for dog’s ****** sake. ISIS!

(Runs in front of Isis and approaches stealthily with harness at the ready.)

Isis (dodging neatly to the left): No way.

Human: ISIS! Come here you little toad! We’ve been here for two hours!

Isis: Can’t hear a thing. Ah, here’s a nice stick.

Human: Just lie down with that stick and I’ve got you.

Isis: I’ll just have a quick gnaw.

(Human creeps towards her prey, cursing as she creeps.)

Isis: I can smell Human. Best hold my stick tight and run back to a safe place.

Yes, here we are. It’s a good long way away from the car, too. I’ll lie down and have another crunch or two.

Human: I can’t believe this. (Sets off towards Hairy One once again. She treads very carefully, sure that Isis can feel vibrations under paw from some distance away.)

Human: Right. This time you’ve had it. Curtains, my sweet. Home time. End of.

(Suddenly, Isis drops the stick, gets to her feet and turns towards the hedge.)

Isis: There’s something nasty over here. Oh dear! Where’s Human?

Put my harness on quick. Something’s after me.

Isis: Come on. Come on. Come on. What’s keeping you? I’ve been standing here for ages. Something could have eaten me.

*Isis came from the Aeza cat and dog rescue and adoption centre in Aljezur, Portugal. For information about adopting an animal from the centre, contact kerry@aeza.org or www.dogwatchuk.co.uk