Posting day: Sunday, and, sometimes, maybe, extra bits in between.

Monday September 7th 2020

If only she could speak ……………………………………………….

Oh no. Not again. Are you really going to trog through five more days? That is so boring.

I thought it was a very good idea. It was so funny that every day something interesting happened.

One day could be interesting, even two. Three, even, at a push. But seven, one after the other. No way.

There’s really important things you should be writing about. Really interesting, like telling them how poorly I am. How I’m suffering. How I need help. I need my human and all she does is put smelly stuff on me and give me a horrible, very long, wet, bath and put a big lampshade round my neck.

The RSPCA wouldn’t stand for it.

Isis, you sound just like Daisy.

Yes, well, she tells me a lot of things.

She’s can’t tell you anything. She’s not here any more.

Humans know nothing about cats. They can do anything.

Don’t be silly.

I’m not being silly. Before she went away, Daisy said if I ever chase a cat ever, ever, she’ll see me and I’ll be punished.

Yes, well, it isn’t kind to chase cats.

It’s very dangerous, because Daisy will ……

Yes, yes, OK. I hear you.

It would be tempting fete. Daisy said so. What’s a fete?

It’s a place with lots of cats in.

Now, let me get on with this. Day 3 ……………………….

Nothing happened on Day 3.

Yes, it did. I sat on the log near the gate, while you played under the tree. And while I was  ……

Looking at the news on your phone, instead of looking after me.

Yes, I was.

Anything could have happened to me.

Don’t be ridiculous. You were only three feet away.

Well, someone could have stolen me. Or a big fierce dog could have eaten me. Or I could have gone off and got lost.

Isis, I can hear your bell.

You can’t hear it if I’ve gone away.

Precisely.

?

In fact, your bell stopped ringing. That’s why I looked up.

And saw me chewing.

Yes.

But you didn’t bother to find out what I was chewing.

I thought it was a stick.

But you didn’t check. Tee-hee. It could have been a poisonous snake. It could have bitten me.

There aren’t any poisonous snakes in Highbury Park.

Well, you don’t know everything. Daisy told me. It could have been a python. It could have wrapped itself round me and ….

Don’t be ridiculous. I could see you were enjoying yourself. And I looked up very frequently to check you were OK.

No you didn’t look up threequently. You looked up four times.

Sigh.

And then you still didn’t know what I was chewing. You said that’s funny. There’s a blue bit on the grass.

Yes, yes. Do be quiet Isis. It wasn’t at all funny.

Snigger. And then you came over to see what I had in my mouth. Snigger.

Sigh.

Then you made very funny vibrations. You didn’t warn me. You said nasty things, I know you did. You GRABBED it. You frightened me. You stole it off me.

I didn’t steal it.

No, because it was … tee-hee, snuffle tee-hee …. it was …. snigger …

Yes. Very funny.

It was ………………………. your

glasses case. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa… ha…ha!

Or you could tell them about my second helpings. Second helpings for dogs is very interesting. They’d all be pleased I have second helpings.

Oh bog off, Isis.

Isis came from the Aeza cat and dog rescue and adoption centre in Aljezur, Portugal. For information about adopting an animal from the centre, contact kerry@aeza.org or www.dogwatchuk.co.uk