Posting day: Sunday, and, sometimes, maybe, extra bits in between.

Sunday December 4th 2020

I didn’t get to report this. I wanted to. But she wouldn’t let me. Now she’s spending lots of time taking the vakyoom to bits. So I’ll tell you.

I’m having an awful time. You wouldn’t believe anyone could treat a dog the way I’m being treated.

And it’s been going on for weeks and weeks and weeks.

It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t start it.

My bottom hurt. It was driving me crazy. I couldn’t stand it any more. I had to do something.

So I bit it. I nibbled and nibbled. And nibbled some more.

What else could I do?

You’ve seen what I did. Here it is again.

And then I nipped other bits of me because I itched all over. Just quick little nips, you understand. Wherever I could reach.

By the time Human noticed what I’d done, I’d made lots and lots of little nips. The itching got worse and worse.

Then I had to wait a lot of days to see the vet.

After that I got bathed. Two times a week. In this nasty stingy stuff. It was to kill the mites. Yes, I know she told you, but she didn’t tell you the truth.

I didn’t have any mites. I knew that. But humans only believe things that other humans say. They think dogs don’t know anything.

IT HURT. I got sorer and sorer.

But when I got sorer and sorer, I didn’t bite her.

I wish I had.

I didn’t get any better. I felt much worse.

One day I came over all funny. I lay down on the grass in the park and had to be taken home.

She took me for a seconder pinyon. Whatever that is. Anyway, I had to go to another vet.

She felt me all over. She found lots of sore patches all over me. She said I didn’t have mites. Well, I could have told her that. She said I had ser .. serv.. surv …… sir Vear der-me-tight-us.

Human was very shocked. I could feel it. Serves her right.

So that’s what it was. But they didn’t know where I’d got it from. Then Human told vet that I always bit my bottom when it was hurting.

So the vet ran back to me and poked my bottom. She poked and poked. Have you ever had your bottom poked? Well, I’m telling you, it isn’t nice. And it hurts. I won’t say what she did next. It was too rude.

But I wish Human could keep her mouth shut.

After that, we went home and I had treats. I think Human felt guilty.

Every day after that, I’ve had nasty sticky red stuff rubbed into my skin. Then wiped off with warm water. Then I have to wait for ages. Then I get more stuff rubbed on me. For a long time it was done to me twice a day. Every little sore bit was done.

It just went on and on and on.

Every time I said ‘urf’ or ‘yaff’ and snapped at my tail, she ran over and poked me. I had to wear my little blue plastic lampshade. But it wasn’t big enough to stop me. So I had to wear a bigger one.

It’s been horrible. It catches on everything and I can’t tell where I’m going.

Thank Dog she takes it off when I go to the park. I don’t think about the itching when I’m off my lead. Well, not often. If I try to nip my tail, she gets very cross and runs up behind me and pokes me.

Then it turns out it’s taking her ages to find the bad bits under my hair. So what does she do? She cuts my hair off so she can find the bits more quickly.

How would you like to walk around with a bare bottom where other dogs can see you?

The other day something comes through the letter box. It doesn’t smell interesting, so I knew it’s not for me.

She takes its paper off. I can tell she’s saying soppy things to me because she kisses me on my muzzle.Then she puts the thing that’s come through the letter box next to my nose.

So?

Then a nice thing happens. She takes my collar off. But next, before I know what’s happening, she pushes it over my head, pushes my front legs through some holes and pushes my back legs through some more holes.

I can’t believe it! The thing is for me to wear. Can you imagine what I look like? I hope I don’t have to go out in it.

It felt nice and cosy that night though.

But eeeeek! Next morning she leaves it on me. She wants Bev to see it. So, of course, Rufus and Nancy will see me in it.

How hoo-milly-ay-tin.

Silly Human is so busy talking to Bev that she forgets to take the thing off me.

Tee-hee. Titter.

I find a very nice stick and lie down in the very long, very wet grass and chew the stick for a long, long time.

Now the thing is very wet, so she has to take it off me.

Snigger.

Sunday

I can’t believe it. She’s stuffed me into it again.

Will this horror never end?

*Isis came from the Aeza cat and dog rescue and adoption centre in Aljezur, Portugal. For information about adopting an animal from the centre, contact kerry@aeza.org or www.dogwatchuk.co.uk