taking out my human



Posting day: Sunday, and, sometimes, maybe, extra bits in between.


Sunday May 17th 2020


Have you ever taken a human for a walk?

Don’t bother.

It’s not worth the effort.

I don’t think they mean to be difficult. I think they just can’t help it.

I take her for her walk early nowadays. I think she’s frightened that someone will sneeze or cough on her. She’s a very nervous human. It must be her breed, I guess.

Well, I try my best to get her out early. Actually, it’s not as easy as it sounds. I’m ready to go as soon as she wakes me up. I don’t waste any time. To keep her mind on what she’s doing, I even dance and jump up and down while she’s trying to put my collar on.

Once we get into the porch, you’d think we’d be outside in seconds.

You’d be wrong.

Even though I twirl and twirl and fling myself against the door to hurry her along, she always goes back into the hall to fetch something. Nothing important like gravy bones. Just keys, and glasses, and silly things like that.

In the end I have to pull the shelf down with my paw. The big box of leads and harnesses and collars slides off onto the tiles. I can feel the crash. She comes much more quickly now. Though I still need to dance, shake my head and bark to liven her up.

When she’s especially slow, I do my special podengo howl. It goes like this: HOO-OO-OO-OO WOO-OO-OO-OO-OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

It’s best to do it when she’s trying to fasten my harness because she has to bend down with her ear very close to my head. Sometimes she gets grumpy, but the podengo howl always gets results.

At last we get to leave the house. At last. I thought it was never going to happen.

Then there’s another of her irritating habits. As all dogs know, sometimes we really need to stop on the front lawn before we walk to the car, and sometimes we just want to take a minute or two to sniff around to check who’s been there the night before.

Other times, a dog just wants to walk straight down the path without stopping. At these times it’s very annoying when your human stands still and we have to hang around.

Yes, she’s wanting to know whether I want a pee or a poop. It’s so embarrassing. Any passing dog knows exactly what we’re standing there for. I’m sure I sensed a poodle sniggering the other day.

You won’t believe this, but if someone has just passed our gate, and I bark to tell her, she gets very cross, and tries to shove me in the car before I’ve made sure we are safe. She thinks the pavement outside our house doesn’t belong to us. But I know it does.

What would happen to her if I wasn’t here?

It’s such a responsibility.

Talking about responsibility, you won’t believe what goes on when we get to the park. Sometimes I try my hardest to warn her that it’s dangerous to walk along the big path to the top of park. I know it’s not safe. I know for certain that someone is going to switch the sun on or off without any warning. Then we won’t know where we are, or where we are going. If it wasn’t for my wonderful nose, we would get lost every day.

I love the park, but I can’t just run around and enjoy it. Oh no. When I’m off my lead, walking along the interesting little paths, I love to sniff everything I find. You wouldn’t believe how exciting it is. You’d be amazed at who’s run or jumped or crawled along here since I last came.

But can I relax and enjoy being free? Oh no. I have to keep sniffing Human’s leg to make sure she hasn’t wandered off. Even when we reach one of my favourite play places, I can’t relax.

She leaves me there to play, but I can’t. Her scent is not so strong now. It’s getting weaker and weaker. I must find out where she’s decided to sit. Some big, fierce dogs might come up to me, and I’ll need to get to her quickly in case they attack her.

I’m not afraid of them, of course, but I have to protect my human. She has no sense of danger. I wait for a few minutes, then creep up to her. Yes, there she is sitting on that log again. That’s fine. I’ll be able to get to her quickly if I need to.

I can go back and play now. Yay!

Being in charge is very tiring. But this doesn’t bother Human. She’s too lazy to do even the easiest jobs.

This will shock you, but I feel I must be honest. Would you believe it – I have to take care of our territory on my own! I mark and mark until my bladder is empty. Honestly.

In all the years that I’ve been taking her round the park, or for road walks, she’s never, ever, not even once,  peed on one blade of grass or spotted on one bit of pavement.

It makes you wonder what humans are for.



How long do I have to stand here telling you?
It really is time to go home.




*Isis came from the Aeza cat and dog rescue and adoption centre in Aljezur, Portugal. For information about adopting an animal from the centre, contact kerry@aeza.org or www.dogwatchuk.co.uk*Isis came from the Aeza cat and dog rescue and adoption centre in Aljezur, Portugal. For information about adopting an animal from the centre,

This entry was posted in Highbury Park, I'm off my lead!, scenting, walking in the park, we don't like bright light, we don't like bright sun and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to taking out my human

  1. Ian Simkin says:

    Nice one 😅


  2. Amber Lipari says:

    Charming post – love it!


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